


Some Secrets

by Skyepilot



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, New Phil, Old Phil, Phil's feelings about Skye, Skye's feelings about Phil, Trust, UST, You will have needed to basically watch the show., sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 11:36:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1981473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyepilot/pseuds/Skyepilot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on Skoulson thoughts about trust mirroring episodes EP 5 The Girl in the Flower Dress and EP 7 The Hub.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coulson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson's POV

He made a mental note of the fact that she had a type.

Tall, well-built, slightly older, but not by much. Dark hair, chiseled features. 

That was fine, everyone has their thing.

Just file it away and deal with the situation at hand.

What was bothering him, what was really bothering him, was the fact that it was very possible she had been playing them this whole time. He was thinking about their first meeting. Really, their second.

He'd gotten a glance at her when Ward slid open the door of her van. Enough to see that she was used to being in a tight spot and knew how to roll with it.

When she was in the interrogation room on the Bus, though, that was when he had time to really watch her reactions, gauge her based on speech patterns, facial tics, breathing, eye movement. 

She was fairly unintimidated by them. It had caught him off guard. She knew what they were. What they did. 

In this case, more than they did. Hmm.

And she wanted to turn the tables on them.

That, had intrigued him.

Now he was wondering if it had all been a setup. To get her on the Bus. 

That's what she'd said, after all.

She was inside. 

Had Ward been right about her connections to the Rising Tide? Ward was a very linear thinker, and it was causing problems for him as an S.O. 

But what if he was right?

Because, Coulson wanted it to be what his analyst mind had told him: her activist leanings and natural ambition. She had boldness and was principled in a way that reminded him of something from a past life. Of why he'd clung to those Captain America trading cards. Why he had joined SHIELD.

He felt scrambled now, getting back into the field. Working on the fringes with this unusual team. 

And he felt different, but unclear as to why. That mind kept telling him "you almost died". But something else was telling him, no...you are not like you were before. 

And running past these two was his gut instinct, pushing him forward. He'd go with his gut since his heart and his mind were in a tug of war at the moment. 

She had just felt right.

This situation was clouding him, making him doubt. Standing over her in the boyfriends' apartment while his specialists tore it apart. 

He was angry. Angry at himself for trusting her. For wanting her on the Bus so badly that he had potentially compromised his own team.

There were protocols for things like this.

Miles got a bracelet and got to take a walk.

A long one.

He'd caused a lot of mayhem. It had cost Chan Ho Yin his life, in the end. 

One million was all it took. Was the rest of the Rising Tide like him?

She was standing on principle, so there was that. Going. For her.

Or was this some elaborate game to make him think she was turning against the Rising Tide to keep her positioned within SHIELD?

He was going to find out. 

Miles didn't get a choice, but, he needed to give her one.

It was the only solution that would let the team know they were safe with her. If, she took it.

It would let her stay.

Were it just the two of them, he wouldn't need the bracelet.

But, it wasn't. And, he did need to know. 

"You have a secret, Skye, and one chance to come out with it. That’s now, or I’m done with you."

No more lying, no more excuses. This was where he drew the line.

She tearfully reached into her...well, she was keeping that very close.

The small object was placed on his desk.

When he had her explain what it was he picked it up and loaded it, looked over the screen at the data it contained.

More SHIELD.

Something in his stomach dropped. It was relief, but also...

SHIELD was hiding her life from her.

He knew something about that. He had been wanting some answers of his own. 

And that feeling again. The way she was defiant, even though she had to know what SHIELD was capable of, what he was capable of.

He warned her before he promised to help her. If she wanted it. Because, SHIELD had some dark corners. And that redacted that file, that was a very dark corner.

"Maybe I can help."

Then he walked away. He didn't want to watch her put on the bracelet.

He didn't really like what it represented. 

Only, that is was necessary for the time being.

****

She was making him doubt everything.

His excuses were not holding up. Oh, he had them at the ready. After all, he'd used them before. 

But even as she started in on him, he already knew that he wasn't going to escape with another simple "trust the system".

There was this way about her. When she asked, it was like she wasn't asking for herself, she was asking for him. Some part of him that had been buried. 

How?

He barely knew her. She did not have a file he could study, there was no point of reference, no framework for her. Other than the details she gave him and his own abilities as a profiler. 

Yes, they had protocols for a reason. And he'd thought she was the naive one, that he was going to show her the good that SHIELD could do, and now he was feeling foolish and exposed.

Hand knew instantly. Where his line of questioning had come from. Maybe that revelation, dangling Skye in front of him, and her tenuous connection, was supposed to make him feel threatened. But, the idea of Fitz and Ward sent into the field on his orders, with no extraction plan? 

That had made him angry.

When Skye had confronted him, explained her understanding of the situation (she had actually completely accessed the tactical situation, which he made a note of), and said that there was no extraction plan, it sounded almost like she cared more about the team than he did. 

He'd been doubting the old way of doing things. That's what his whole conversation with May was about. 

It just wasn't the right time. She didn't have access. She wasn't even a SHIELD agent.

And, yet, here she was, in the Hub, and she knew more than he did about his operation.

He had told her to trust the system.

Now he was wondering if he could still trust SHIELD.

Hand had thrown almost the same statement back at him. Word for word.

"...you need to trust the system, Agent Coulson."

His instinct to trust her, the way he felt connected, he didn't like to examine that too long. He'd been very careful to stay along the edges. 

And if he stared too long, when (not if) he started talking, there was the discovery he was the one dropping details. 

Here she was challenging him again, and, instead of feeling threatened, he felt relieved.

Like she had handed him a key.

He wanted to grasp it, but, then he might have to stare too hard. 

Sitting in his office with the file in front of him, May sitting across from him, it was clear to him what he needed to do.

He would tell her. Just enough.

When he had told her in that hallway, during that heated argument, that he might have to trust her with a secret someday, what he was telling her was that she could depend on him.

That he wanted and needed her trust.

May had recommended he not share any of the details of her file. Some of that, he agreed with. He wanted to know more, first. Wanted to do more. For her.

However, May had looked at him as he'd explained why he'd obtained the file, and it was clear she was questioning his decision.

It was his call to make.

As he navigated the stairs, he could see Skye had left the door open.

Good, that would make this easier.

She immediately started to apologize, maybe, that's not what he was here for.

He just cleared the air.

"The unredacted file, about your past. I found it."

She was all motion, sitting at the edge of her bunk.

He explained the woman, the SHIELD agent, that had dropped her at the orphanage.

She stood, her eyes getting wide, hand covering her mouth as she tried to process it.

He really wished he could give her more. Just, not yet.

"I'm sorry," he said.

There was something about thank you, and then she'd closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him. Thrown her whole body against him and pulled him in.

He had not expected that. He tensed, and then swallowed, realized he was holding his breath, his hand touching her back rigidly.

Suddenly she let go, stepped back, hand back over her mouth.

This was a lot for her to handle, he understood.

She stared back at him and he watched her fingers move over her lips.

That was when he realized he needed an extraction plan. Before he said more. Before...

Silent, looking away for a moment, he backed out of the small room.

It was just the emotional rush, her being overwhelmed. She was grateful, of course. Probably many people hadn't helped her in her life without some strings attached.

He wanted to help her more.

Taking the stairs back up to his office, he let out a small sigh, willing the tension to drain before he had to face May again.

Some secrets were meant to stay secret.


	2. Skye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye's POV

She hated herself right now. Hated.

This reminded her of why she'd left for Los Angeles in the first place.

Alone.

When she was with Miles, she had a hard time saying no to him. Bottom line.

And their way of approaching a problem just didn't line up.

He acted like everything between them was so uncomplicated. Like it was just them and everyone else stood on the outside.

That was just not true. Try telling that to Chan Ho Yin.

What she really wanted, was to help the team help him. 

She had tried to tell Miles that. But.

She'd been stuck on that...Bus, and her life had been turned completely upside down and there was the "very firm" S.O. on one side and the suit with "the eyes" on the other.

And now, his eyes looked like little tiny daggers of hate.

Or disappointment. Whatever.

He should be, maybe. Okay. Yes. But, she had a perfectly good...

Dammit. He wasn't going to let her talk, was he?

And then she thinks about him staying in that room in the fire station, alone, with Mr. Diaz. A complete stranger. 

Knowing it might kill them both.

That is someone that you might follow. I mean, really follow. 

Her eyes stare at the floor as she sits on the couch, and she wonders why that thought leapt into her head.

Saying sorry again is obviously not getting through.

She joined SHIELD for answers. Not THAT.

He wanted to know about her connection to Miles. Full agent mode. He wasn't giving her anything.

"We're friends," she said to him, finally.

The worst part is whatever connection she felt, the feeling of having someone in her corner, it's been taken away and replaced with something else.

So when they're back on the Bus, in the interrogation room, it's just like deja vu.

And he's keeping his distance.

Probably watching. Hoping that her and Miles will start talking and give him something useful.

He sends Ward in to ask the questions.

And Miles? He sold information.

He compromised himself. And he wasn't harmless. 

Stupid. STUPID. But, not harmless.

How could he?

He wasn't who she thought he was. She had looked up to him, and all this time, he'd been looking up to her.

Maybe a part of her knew that. Maybe that was why she really left for Los Angeles.

If they would let her stay, she wanted that.

This was going to be an uphill battle and she had to decide how badly she wanted this.

How badly she wanted answers.

For herself.

She said goodbye to Miles. After Chan was gone. Too high a price.

Watched him walk, and Coulson had brushed past her and said, "My office."

Okay, at least he was using actual words again. Directed at her.

She'd been in this office before, and right now, the atmosphere felt changed.

Before she could even start talking, he told her to stop lying. And he knew it. He knew she was keeping something from him. It didn't surprise her, she supposed, she just thought it might not come out in this way. She wanted to trust him completely before she told him.

"...Or I'm done with you."

That startled her out of the jumble of thoughts and words in her mind right now.

It wasn't if SHIELD was done with her, or the team.

It was him. 

Because, he was the one who had invested in her. Yes. Coulson.

The others would follow his orders, but she was there because of him.

He wanted her here. Even after what she'd done.

Okay, Coulson. She wasn't just going to give up that easily.

She took it out of her bra and placed it on his desk. 

"What is this?" 

His expression was curious. Still holding back.

She watched him pick it up and immediately go to review its contents as she explained.

And as she did, the urgency inside her built up. If she was having to give up everything, literally, everything, he had better damn well understand what he was signing on for.

"No matter what you do, I'll never stop looking."

"You might not like what you find," he responded.

It was the way he did things like this. Always. Like, it was open-ended, a question. He kept drawing her in.

What the hell was she doing with her life right now?

"Maybe I can help."

He was her way into SHIELD.

And he was going to let her in.

He walked away as she slowly opened the box.

It was a bracelet, just like Miles'.

She could do this.

****

Of course Coulson had the answers.

Who else would? Did Simmons think she had them? Nope.

Not with this stupid bracelet, anyway.

And what was with his face when her tag had kept her from going through the doors? He was being kind of smug popping back between them, standing there, wasn't he? 

He probably thought it was funny that she'd actually tried to follow him.

Cute. Ha ha, Phil.

He'd pop up eventually, but he'd disappeared behind the wall of suits and security doors in the Hub, and she'd been looking all over trying to find him and he wasn't answering any of her calls.

She was kind of pissed. 

Yes, they were in the middle of an operation, but she knew it was because he thought she just wanted info on her file.

And that was not it!

Like, he didn't think she took being a SHIELD agent seriously and just wanted access to information.

It sort of reminded her of the whole Miles scenario and made her realize he didn't really trust her.

Well, he needed to. He needed to listen.

Because he was acting like a robot, and their guys were going to get killed.

She had at least enough access to be able to watch people moving troops and weapons around to know something big was going down. And she'd watched him enough times, she could do the counts, figure out the math.

Bet he didn't know she'd watched him that closely. Or that she'd been reviewing field ops.

It was like whatever she was doing was never going to be impressive enough.

Just time to go outside the box. Because, that is why he brought her on, wasn't it?

Now, if she could just get Simmons to go along.

And she did. Simmons said she liked the rules, but Simmons had also jumped out of a plane without a chute, so she figured Simmons probably said a lot of things and would probably do a lot more. Of things.

She was right.

I mean, it would be funny if the situation wasn't so serious, and she thought that Sitwell was kind of trying to flirt with Simmons. 

Wow, it was awkward.

But not as awkward as Simmons shooting him.

That. Okay. Whatever. She had a limited window and she needed to confirm her suspicions, to prove to him.

She pulled up the screen. Her file might be in there.

She had to. She had to peek.

That would be kind of proving him right, though, wouldn't it?

Screw it, okay, Coulson you can be a little right! Sheesh.

Timetimetime. No more of that.

South Ossetia. There was no extraction plan. She knew it.

The hand slammed down her laptop.

Hope he was up for an earful.

Which, she was wanting to give and then he'd had just stalked off, angry. More like simmering.

He was simmering. Right.

And not off the hook, because she found him in the hall the next day and was even louder about it.

Then he'd put his hand on her and dragged her into a private corner, away from eyes and ears.

All she wanted to know was if he was going to do something about it.

Because, someone needed to. And she really wanted it to be him.

That's when she realized that part of this was, she wanted to trust him. She admired him, and felt...

Disappointed.

When she got back to the Bus with May and Simmons in tow. He was there.

Good. This was how it was supposed to be. 

She was relieved. And all the other stuff, because, they'd probably gotten him in big trouble with Sitwell, definitely, with Hand, probably. She would be willing to apologize after Fitz and Ward were safe.

And they were.

Sitting in her bunk, late, she had left the door open. 

Maybe he'd chance by, or maybe she'd go up there? She'd heard May go up with him. They were probably still talking.

It was just landing on the right way to say it.

Because, he had needed the information she'd given him. But, maybe she'd hit him with it the wrong way?

He wanted her to trust him. Him saying in the hallway that he might need her to keep a secret someday. 

Future...and trust...and I might need.

There he was in her door. Okay, she'd smooth things over first.

But he interrupted her. He wanted to talk about her file.

After all of that, he came back with this?

She couldn't believe it.

Listening carefully, she was feeling every word hit her, about the SHIELD agent, she had found her...it was a woman. Maybe she had a mother? She was trying very hard not to cry in front of him. Her life was this. It was why she came here.

And there was him. Was he really saying, "I'm sorry?" After all of that?

She threw herself against him and hugged him. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

He was stiff as a board and it registered with her that maybe this was totally, completely against protocol or something?

When he let a breath out she stood back and stared at him, overwhelmed by emotions. 

Her hand had covered her mouth again, but she just watched him, silently staring back at her. 

He seemed a bit stunned.

Really? From a hug?

Oh. Her fingertips brushed her lips for a second. 

A his eyes got soft, then he turned himself out of the room.

She sat down on the bed.

That hadn't been what she came here for.

What the hell just happened?


End file.
